Can I Have Wine For Breakfast?
This morning really kicked my ass. I was ready to open a bottle of wine by 6:48am which is the exact moment when Philip and I realized that the next hour and twelve minutes was going to kick our ass. The kid went along with the new rigid morning routine last week just fine but this morning he is insisting that he wants to get up early but it isn't early if his dad is up. What he really means is that he wants to get up before his dad does so he won't feel like it's a school morning. He fixated on the fact that it wasn't early. We kept pointing like crazy people at the clock (evidence of our correct sense of time) but that didn't matter.
He refused to choose breakfast. For fifteen minutes. Nothing tastes good. There's nothing for him to eat. FINALLY he decides on egg toast with the following admonitions "...but only if you make it perfect this time and don't yell at me if it isn't good." Here's what it takes to make "perfect" egg toast:
I yelled at him this morning. I yelled quite a few times. Shortly following the great egg toast debacle in which I swore never to feed my child again, we entered the getting dressed resistance. Mostly he just doesn't want to go to school. But also it was cold in the house. We really tried out some patience but having gone through this same struggle every single morning since June 2002, we are pretty worn out. The socks were too stiff and "crunchy" and then next pair was lumpy.
I lost it. I shoved his socks back on his feet and screamed at the top of my lungs to get the hell down the stairs and go to school.
Obviously I don't feel good about the yelling. Worse yet, I feel pretty rotten about forcing my kid to school in uncomfortable socks. I hate knowing he can't help it but not having an ounce of energy left to deal with his issues.
His appointment with his regular doctor is this Wednesday. If she tells me he doesn't need to be assessed because this is how all kids are all the time...
I promise to run away from home.
He refused to choose breakfast. For fifteen minutes. Nothing tastes good. There's nothing for him to eat. FINALLY he decides on egg toast with the following admonitions "...but only if you make it perfect this time and don't yell at me if it isn't good." Here's what it takes to make "perfect" egg toast:
- must have no crunchy bits on it
- some white must show (I whisked the yolk in this morning which was my fatal error today)
- there must be no holes in the egg or the bread
- the ketchup must be evenly distributed over the whole thing so that there is plenty of it but so that it doesn't obscure all of the egg (so he can be sure I didn't make a mistake with the egg)
- no bits of egg can dangle off the bread
- the egg must not be too thick
I yelled at him this morning. I yelled quite a few times. Shortly following the great egg toast debacle in which I swore never to feed my child again, we entered the getting dressed resistance. Mostly he just doesn't want to go to school. But also it was cold in the house. We really tried out some patience but having gone through this same struggle every single morning since June 2002, we are pretty worn out. The socks were too stiff and "crunchy" and then next pair was lumpy.
I lost it. I shoved his socks back on his feet and screamed at the top of my lungs to get the hell down the stairs and go to school.
Obviously I don't feel good about the yelling. Worse yet, I feel pretty rotten about forcing my kid to school in uncomfortable socks. I hate knowing he can't help it but not having an ounce of energy left to deal with his issues.
His appointment with his regular doctor is this Wednesday. If she tells me he doesn't need to be assessed because this is how all kids are all the time...
I promise to run away from home.
Comments (12)
No. All children ARE NOT like this. Some children suffer from "Asberger's Syndrome" (of which your little guy shows many symptoms).
Keep insisting -- for the sake of all of you!!!!
Posted by Bonnie | January 26, 2009 12:28 PM
Posted on January 26, 2009 12:28
yeah, so much of what you describe sounds like my friend's son who has Asberger's and getting that (or whatever correct) diagnosis and finding a course of action is going to really help you all so much. Don't take no for an answer.
And you're a much stronger woman than I...as I would have hit the tequila the minute the door closed in order to drown the drowning feeling from the yelling. I'm an occasional yeller myself and I always feel like death warmed over after it happens. Well...we all do.
xoxo
Posted by kelly | January 26, 2009 12:35 PM
Posted on January 26, 2009 12:35
Hey, Angelina,
I just wanted to say that I'm really glad that you're opening up about what's been going on with the munchkin. It sounds like things have been rough on that front for quite a while (not to mention all the other fronts in your life). I'm glad this space and community is here for you to be able to release a little of the frustration, anxiety, and fear. We're here for you, virtual or otherwise.
Hugs,
Emma
Posted by EmmaC | January 26, 2009 2:55 PM
Posted on January 26, 2009 14:55
holy shit! I need a drink after reading that! I have no words of wisdom...sometimes a person yells and sometimes a child goes to school with crunchy socks. No, its not ideal but some day the roles will be reversed and you will be offering encouragement to a struggling parent and can tell them that you understand their grief. You may not feel like it but you are a superhero....
p.s....it is NEVER too early for mothers little helper
Posted by Kathy | January 26, 2009 4:13 PM
Posted on January 26, 2009 16:13
Ang,
How frustrating. You are a saint. Did Max have any consequences for his behavior? He is trying so hard to control everything around him.
Have u tried this?
Knock out all video games in the morning.
Tell him "this is not a restaurant"... Give him some cereal, and don't worry if he does not eat it. He won't starve.
Don't remind him at all of the time to hurry up and get dressed... and let him try to get himself out the door. If he is late, he is late. (he won't like this)
When I backed off Kiana, she was amazingly ready in time. I just couldn't be in perpetual conflict in the mornings anymore.
Posted by Carrie | January 26, 2009 4:33 PM
Posted on January 26, 2009 16:33
I am no expert... but I just thought of a few other things.
Positive reinforcement.
Maybe if he follows the rules, he can earn his video game time. Like, the sooner he eats and gets ready, then he can play video games until school time.
Kiana used to have a hard time going to sleep... so I had a calendar, and if she went to sleep without getting out of bed, the sticker fairy would come and leave a cool sticker on her calendar... It worked like a charm. She was half Max's age... but one can do wonders with positive reinforcement and earning privileges (like video games).
Posted by Carrie | January 26, 2009 4:44 PM
Posted on January 26, 2009 16:44
I know this doesn't address all of his issues but have you read The Highly Sensitive Child? It is a really good book describing a personality type and some of Max's traits are described.
hang in there--and definitely have him assessed. The school can also have him tested if he is not performing well there. Hopefully today was just a monday and he will be easier tomorrow.
Posted by pasha Grant | January 26, 2009 7:30 PM
Posted on January 26, 2009 19:30
Oh my peoples- this was a typical morning in the Williamson household. We've been having this same morning at least 4 days out of 7 for six years now. You'd think it would get easier but we've tried so many things to make it easier and nothing ever does make it easier.
Oh, and the evenings are just as fun. 4 days out of 7.
Seriously- I'm close to packing my bandana and hitting the train tracks and heading to some remote spot full of grizzly bears and zero people population.
Posted by angelina | January 26, 2009 7:49 PM
Posted on January 26, 2009 19:49
I found a 98 acre farm for sale in upstate NY and are you ready for this....$129K!! I'll give you 5 acres where you can hunker down with the grizzlies and never have contact with anyone. The kid graduates in June and my god we are so tempted to uproot and move!
Posted by Kathy | January 27, 2009 7:45 AM
Posted on January 27, 2009 07:45
Yes you may have wine for breakfast.
Posted by Josie | January 27, 2009 8:59 AM
Posted on January 27, 2009 08:59
Wish I could send you a case.
http://www.zanthan.com/gardens/photos/400/wineMommysTimeOut.jpg
Posted by mss @ Zanthan Gardens | January 27, 2009 10:59 AM
Posted on January 27, 2009 10:59
Wow, your son sounds like mine, except that mine isn't half as articulate about what makes it "impossible" for him to eat most foods. His rigidity and constant need to control things has worn us down, too. We're finally getting outside help for him, but it's slow going. Thanks for sharing your experiences, and I wish the best for Max and your family.
Posted by Patricia | February 28, 2009 10:16 PM
Posted on February 28, 2009 22:16