The One Thing I'm Getting Right
Chelsea, Sam, and Max. Max is about 6 months old here.
A lot of parents comment that time passes too quickly, their kids are growing too fast, they don't know where all the years have gone. These are the clues that have made me suspect that I live in an alternate universe than most people. Time does not fly for me. It is not a mystery where all the years have gone and most of them went by painfully slow.
This doesn't mean I'm immune to looking at pictures like this and being amazed. Amazed that we all managed to remain alive through the sleeplessness, the tantrums, the sleeplessness, the...anyway...I'm amazed at how different Max looks now. I'm fascinated by the way a person can start out looking like a lima bean on steroids and end up looking like a young thug. (Wait, that sounds way less cute than I meant it to...)
Max at about 22 months. I think.
I wonder what kinds of things I might have written about parenting if I had had a blog back then. I am mesmerized not just by what I consider to be the insane cuteness of this tyrant of a human being who owes his life to those fat cheeks which worked like a charm to keep me from strangling him during those hours of hysterical crying, but will you please observe that impressive farmer's tan I'm sporting?! More than the tan- check out the arms without baggage!!
This is about the time I had returned to my pre-baby weight. Not thin thin, just normal. Good. Healthy. Pre-hip breaking. Pre-house fire. Those were the days. Pre-Williamson-family-calamity-years. If I could only have appreciated back then how very bad things were going to become in such a short span of time, would I have appreciated life a little more? Would I have been more capable of weathering the 3 hour ankle-grabbing-floor-pounding tantrums?
If I'm being totally honest I'd have to say, probably not. Humans don't operate that way.
This is about the time I had returned to my pre-baby weight. Not thin thin, just normal. Good. Healthy. Pre-hip breaking. Pre-house fire. Those were the days. Pre-Williamson-family-calamity-years. If I could only have appreciated back then how very bad things were going to become in such a short span of time, would I have appreciated life a little more? Would I have been more capable of weathering the 3 hour ankle-grabbing-floor-pounding tantrums?
If I'm being totally honest I'd have to say, probably not. Humans don't operate that way.
Max at around 3 years old. In preschool.
But I'm thinking now, what if something is terribly wrong with me and I'm going to gain another hundred pounds and become bedridden and not be able to get through my own doorways and a crane will have to be involved in getting me out of my house to visit the doctor? Wouldn't I look back on right now and wish I'd realized how much worse my body could become? Wouldn't I be wishing I could go back to becoming obese with mobility? So shouldn't I enjoy the present even though it sucks, based on the probability that it will suck a lot more in the near future?
I get confused now that I'm old, but I think Max is 2-ish here, at his Grampa Michael's house. Being so very helpful watering the plants with air.
There are a lot of things I have a hard time appreciating right now but my kid isn't one of them. I don't miss him being a baby. He was cute, yes, and had crazy chewable fat cheeks, but was not an easy going baby. Which is beside the point anyway. It doesn't matter how cute he was or even if he had been the mellowest happiest baby on the planet, I still wouldn't be one of those moms always longing to keep my baby a baby. Always looking back and mourning the growing up. This is my big clue that I wasn't equipped with the proper hormonal tools for parenthood.
This whole maturing gig is AWESOME.
I love that my kid is nine years old now and not a baby, a toddler, or a small child. He's getting lankier, though he may not ever get tall (it's a genetic crap shoot, lots of variation in his gene pool) but he is lengthening and his face is beginning to take on more grown up lines. His feet, which I just particularly noticed this morning, are getting large. Just the other day it hit me that he's going to be at least as tall as me in the not too distant future. I couldn't help but think it will be pleasing to see him become adult-sized.
Quick horrible thought: Max had a terrible bloody nose this morning which got all over his hands and I forgot to tell him to wash his hands...oh lord. Someone's going to notice that and think I'm a much worse mother than I actually am.
I'm enjoying almost everything about him now. In the present. No nostalgia for his early years like I have for my fat-free arms. Is that wrong of me? Or is it perhaps the one thing I'm getting right?
This whole maturing gig is AWESOME.
I love that my kid is nine years old now and not a baby, a toddler, or a small child. He's getting lankier, though he may not ever get tall (it's a genetic crap shoot, lots of variation in his gene pool) but he is lengthening and his face is beginning to take on more grown up lines. His feet, which I just particularly noticed this morning, are getting large. Just the other day it hit me that he's going to be at least as tall as me in the not too distant future. I couldn't help but think it will be pleasing to see him become adult-sized.
Quick horrible thought: Max had a terrible bloody nose this morning which got all over his hands and I forgot to tell him to wash his hands...oh lord. Someone's going to notice that and think I'm a much worse mother than I actually am.
I'm enjoying almost everything about him now. In the present. No nostalgia for his early years like I have for my fat-free arms. Is that wrong of me? Or is it perhaps the one thing I'm getting right?
Comments (8)
Check out this little critter:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/philipwilliamson/4536762939
Posted by Philip | April 20, 2010 9:13 AM
Posted on April 20, 2010 09:13
I can relate to this one. I am so excited to see the boys maturing, becoming little people rather than babies. I do feel a little sad that I've forgotten so much. I was so beside myself and depressed after I had Kalen, I didn't take the time to enjoy the squishy babiness of him, and I missed out on a lot of joy I could have found with Nicky at that age (I think. He WAS three.). There are huge chunks of time I have no memory of at all, except for the photographs. That makes me sad.
But I don't miss parenting a baby or a toddler or a preschooler, THAT's for darn sure.
Posted by Aimee | April 20, 2010 11:02 AM
Posted on April 20, 2010 11:02
I enjoy my son now more than any other time in his life and he's 31. We recently took a running class together and it was a wonderful shared experience. Sometimes I look back at photos of when we lived in Japan and he was 10 and feel nostalgic. He was fun then too. But now he's responsible for himself and I don't feel scared, pressured, and worried. I can enjoy him now as an equal human being without the weight of responsibility.
Posted by mss @ Words Into Bytes | April 20, 2010 2:20 PM
Posted on April 20, 2010 14:20
Well, the empty nest this past fall was difficult for me because it's been my job for the past 24yrs and then suddenly it's over. But, that doesn't mean I long for the baby years, not at all. It was sweet having them but I don't miss the sleepless nights or the diapers. I enjoyed the stages as they came. One thing I think may be missing here is this....when my kids were Max's age I didn't long for their early years nor did I think the time flew by too quickly. For those in between years it felt stagnant like it was going to be that way forever....and then suddenly you're sitting at their graduation and it hits you. That's when the feelings began to roll for me.
Posted by Kathy | April 20, 2010 8:06 PM
Posted on April 20, 2010 20:06
Looking at this from totally outside the "having children" world I can certainly understand your appreciation of continuing maturity. I expect if s
The mothers that spend their time mourning babyhood have always confused me. Every life stage is special for it's own reasons. From my pov babyhood requires so much parental energy that at least from the outside there is little space for anything else. Although I am sure I would love my baby, if I had one, I am almost positive that I would enjoy my 5 yr old more.
Kind Regards
Belinda
Posted by simply.belinda | April 20, 2010 9:10 PM
Posted on April 20, 2010 21:10
Hi Angelina, I really love this post. As a non-child-ed person...I've always thought that one of the things I would think was coolest about having a kid would be watching them become an adult...and having a grown-up kid. I've always been baffled by the whole nostalgia of babyhood thing, but thought that was just my hormonal problem. ;) Liz
Posted by Liz | April 20, 2010 9:21 PM
Posted on April 20, 2010 21:21
The one thing you're getting right --- No, No, No. One of the things you're getting right. You left out the s.
By the way, what an absolutely beautiful photo of you that is, holding toddler Max.
Posted by NM | April 22, 2010 5:34 PM
Posted on April 22, 2010 17:34
It's impossible to say how I'm going to feel when Max graduates Highschool- but I'm pretty sure I'm going to be excited that I managed to get him to adulthood in one piece...uh...you know, assuming I actually do.
NM- Thank you Nicole! And by the way- I was not the least bit offended by all your suggestions on the taxman post- I never said but I meant to say that with you I am always comfortable with where you're coming from. And now I'm really wishing for a nature hike of some sort with you- some kind of foraging mission. It's nettle season still, isn't it?
Posted by angelina | April 23, 2010 10:23 AM
Posted on April 23, 2010 10:23