Five Pound Fly

I am happy to say that the special "disease" of the mouth I've been suffering from is going away- ever so horribly slowly.  But it is definitely fading.  No new splotches, the cracking is reduced to almost no cracking, and my lips aren't feeling weird.  So what have I been doing to get rid of it after all those great suggestions and speculations?  Not that I'll ever be sure what it was or if what I did made any difference at all (it could just be running its course), but here's what I did:

For three days I dabbed it frequently with hydrogen peroxide (turns out we had some downstairs, a giant bottle of it, in fact).

Then for the last two days I have been using my home made anti-fungal salve in the corners and kept lip balm on the rest of my lips. 

I seriously doubt the issue was fungal but the salve has an olive oil base, is thick, and has a lot of healing herbs that serve dual purposes (not just antifungal) so I figured why the hell not?  The salve really does work on athlete's foot which I sometimes get, but you have to use it for a lot longer than the over the counter antifungal cremes you can get at drug stores. 

The weather has finally really started turning colder and I love it.  This week Max and I snuggled under the guest bedroom covers to watch a movie together after school and it was so wonderful.  He likes the colder weather too.

This week has been quite a challenge physically- I went to Kung Fu class three times instead of the usual two because I wanted to make up the classes I missed last week.  I'll do the same next week- three days in a row...how hard could that be?  For some of these people in class this is like swatting at five pound flies, I mean, you just can't miss!  For me it was like being a five pound fly getting crushed under the weight of my own damn lard filled petard.  The first day I was sore cause I'm always a little sore and especially if I haven't gone for a week and a half.  The next day I was feeling the soreness compound minute by minute with more soreness.  Yesterday I was limping up and down my stairs with a little voice percussion section going "Ow...owow...Ow...owow..." as I moved.  I didn't think I could go to last night's class but somehow I felt like I'd be letting myself down if I skipped it.  Instead I went and got through the class.

I can't claim I didn't desperately want beer after that.

But I refrained.  We went home, I drank no fattening beverages, and got to sleep before 11pm.

Which I've done all week.  It's a little freaky how sleepy I've been by 9:30pm every night.  I have to superglue my eyes open to stay up longer than my kid these days.  All week I've gotten exercise, sleep, and haven't been snacking, nor drinking any fattening beverages.  I am just as fat now as I was last week, but I'm proud of myself and that's something worth celebrating.*

Having and employing self discipline is so important and I really thought I didn't have any left in me.  I always thought it was something some people were born with and some weren't.  But I'm starting to think it's purely a matter of replenishing the well.  I depleted all my self discipline over the rough past few years and thought it was all over for me.  I was wrong.  I feel it building again and it feels fantastic.  Even if I do stay fat, I know that I'm doing everything I can to get healthier and healthier.

I'm not sure my excitement that it's Friday (a beer night) is particularly healthy, but I most emphatically feel I've earned my pleasure this week.

To further heighten my excitement is that both my boys are heading to the city, leaving me to enjoy spending time by myself.  While not working.  A rare treat.  Philip is going to some bicycle party and Max is hanging out with Grandma.  Lest you think I pushed my boys away from me in some miserably selfish attempt to be rid of them to their terrible discomfort- let me assure you that Max was given a choice to stay here with me and have a friend over (which he'd been promised earlier in the week) or to go to spend the night with grandma...he chose grandma.  They have such a good time and it's incredibly sweet that he's so excited to spend time with her.

All of us are getting exactly the Friday night we want. 

I can't decide if I should spend my time watching movies, completely relaxing, or should I spend the evening writing?  I don't know.  What do you all think?  What do you have planned for tonight and this weekend?

I hope you're all lip-disease-free and have plans to do what you love doing best!


*It's very hard to be a narcissist with low self esteem.  I do my best.