I Deliver Answers To Questions You've Never Asked
I want to answer some questions that no one has asked me. I love answering questions (even impertinent ones) which is one of the many reasons I'd make a classy person-of-note. You didn't really want to know the answers but I'm in an expansive (slightly lonely) mood and feel the need to share.
Q: Am I jealous of Mary-Kate Olsen?
A: While I do feel sure that I could make much better use of a billion dollars than Mary-Kate does, I really don't envy her that eternally vacuous personality. I'm sure that to her nearest and dearest she is a ball of genius and fun, but from where I stand there's a whole lot of empty. Sometimes I feel sad for her.
Q: Why would I rather die by shark than by army ants from South America?
A: Because a shark makes quick work of you in the water. Being in the water helps you bleed out faster which means less time being aware of the horrible circumstances of your death. Being eaten by army ants in South America would be infinitely worse because although they do finish you off fairly fast (since they cover your body in the millions) you would probably take longer to die and have to feel all those tiny vicious mandibles ripping into you. Just writing about this is making me get palpitations. Which would you prefer?
Q: What punishment do I think people who make animals fight each other to the death for entertainment deserve?
A: I am so happy you asked this question! I think that people who fight dogs should have to fight a dog to the death in a pen with no escape, nude, and with no weapons. Animal against animal. I think the same should happen to people who fight cocks, but in this case, even if the person had no weapons they would have an unfair advantage in size, I think at least two roosters to one human is a better punishment. Yes, I think animal fighting of all kinds is disgusting, cruel, and only sociopaths could enjoy it. I also know that many people would disagree with me. Do you?
Q: Why do I panic when people want to share my food with me?
A: The broad answer is GAD. The more specific answer is that I learned at an early age that being generally the only vegetarian in a crowd or at a table means that I am the only one who is going to order something without meat. Everyone loves the dish without meat and will happily forget that while they can eat my dish, I cannot eat theirs. Having gone through that so many times means that now, even when I'm with all vegetarians, I deeply distrust food sharing. There are other, lesser, more obsessive reasons I won't admit to.
You ask the hard hitting questions and I deliver the goods!
Q: Am I jealous of Mary-Kate Olsen?
A: While I do feel sure that I could make much better use of a billion dollars than Mary-Kate does, I really don't envy her that eternally vacuous personality. I'm sure that to her nearest and dearest she is a ball of genius and fun, but from where I stand there's a whole lot of empty. Sometimes I feel sad for her.
Q: Why would I rather die by shark than by army ants from South America?
A: Because a shark makes quick work of you in the water. Being in the water helps you bleed out faster which means less time being aware of the horrible circumstances of your death. Being eaten by army ants in South America would be infinitely worse because although they do finish you off fairly fast (since they cover your body in the millions) you would probably take longer to die and have to feel all those tiny vicious mandibles ripping into you. Just writing about this is making me get palpitations. Which would you prefer?
Q: What punishment do I think people who make animals fight each other to the death for entertainment deserve?
A: I am so happy you asked this question! I think that people who fight dogs should have to fight a dog to the death in a pen with no escape, nude, and with no weapons. Animal against animal. I think the same should happen to people who fight cocks, but in this case, even if the person had no weapons they would have an unfair advantage in size, I think at least two roosters to one human is a better punishment. Yes, I think animal fighting of all kinds is disgusting, cruel, and only sociopaths could enjoy it. I also know that many people would disagree with me. Do you?
Q: Why do I panic when people want to share my food with me?
A: The broad answer is GAD. The more specific answer is that I learned at an early age that being generally the only vegetarian in a crowd or at a table means that I am the only one who is going to order something without meat. Everyone loves the dish without meat and will happily forget that while they can eat my dish, I cannot eat theirs. Having gone through that so many times means that now, even when I'm with all vegetarians, I deeply distrust food sharing. There are other, lesser, more obsessive reasons I won't admit to.
You ask the hard hitting questions and I deliver the goods!
Comments (3)
Mary Kate is a non-entity to me. I am envious (it is a deadly sin, I know, I know) of a lot of the rich and famous. I just think I would have much more interesting uses of the time and money than many of that ilk.
Shark would be the preference for the reasons you listed and also who wants to be remembered as the victim of an ant attack?
People who pit animal against animal, ugh. That is a tough one. My gut reaction is pretty harsh. I am against the death penalty as a rule but I think I could come up with suitably horrible punishments.
Sharing food, I don't like to do it. Obviously if you are guest I will feed you to excess and ply you with booze but as far as sharing off my plate, not going to happen. Funny isn't it, how people who are carnivores, swear they don't like vegetables but yet gravitate toward the vegetarians tasty dish?
Posted by Tonia | May 19, 2009 1:43 PM
Posted on May 19, 2009 13:43
I am not jealous of Mary-Kate Olsen. I don't think she had a very happy childhood.
Definitely, sharks. A whole bunch of them to make it quick.
People who force animals to fight... they deserve the worst. I would tie them down and sic the killer ants on them!
I hate sharing food too. My husband makes me furious when he reaches over and steals the tastiest morsel from my plate without even asking. I used to save one last good thing on my plate to savor last, but I have learned not to because he grabs it!
Posted by Judy in KY | May 19, 2009 5:15 PM
Posted on May 19, 2009 17:15
I find it relieving that I am not the only person to fear death from Army ants! Being that I have a slight fear of getting bitten in the water, I would probably more likely die from the ants - and that has always bothered me.
Posted by Karmyn R | May 19, 2009 6:08 PM
Posted on May 19, 2009 18:08