Late Night Scrawl

These are the raised beds we "rescued" from our old house.  Philip is still in the process of filling them.  The three closest in this picture will be reserved for winter plantings, which means I won't plant seeds in them for another month at least.  I've got two of them planted with 16 roma tomatoes, and in another I've got 5 cayenne pepper plants and some dahlias. 

It is excessively late in the night/morning.  This has been a wonderful weekend.  We've had so many more of those in the last few months than we had in the entire last year.  Max had a sleepover last night and came home quite tired.  He was good for most of the day and then fell apart in the evening the way tired kids do.  It was tough getting him to sleep.

We had a great weekend with close friends and I am feeling rich.  Rich and lucky.  Even though we have less than $100 to get us through the next ten days.  (It sounds like a lot until you consider that we may have to buy dog food this week which costs $40 per bag.)  Still, my garden is busting out with everything good.  Seeds coming up, plants setting flower, herbs harvestable.  That is rich. To have wonderful friends with whom we can be ourselves and be appreciated- this is not something you can order into your life with money.  It comes through work, through investment in self, and the sharing of food.

I wrestled the lawn mower and with sunscreen slathered a foot deep on my skin I tamed the crazy grasses and then I made food.  Good food.  Using what I had on hand.  It was an amazing dinner. 

I can't get to sleep.  I keep listening to Judy Collins' version of Amazing Grace and it makes me feel hope.  It fills me with a belief in change, in possibilities, and the intrinsic beauty of human beings of all origin and experiences.  The crudest human is still human and has some spark (however appparently dim) of life that deserves our respect and consideration.

This is a good song to end the evening with since the last episode of "Bones" (season 3), which I watched this evening, is about dog fighting which not only makes my blood boil but actually makes me want to hurt the humans who engage in this awful, cruel, criminal, beastly, nasty form of "entertainment".  It is important to remember that I don't want to be just as bad as them.  Good to remember what conduct I expect of myself, good to remember that killing is wrong.  Wrong.  Wrong.

I am tired.  Yet, not tired.  It's warm in here.

We are are not unlucky, we are actually luckier than most.  Even if we have to lose this house we love.  Even if we have to start over.  I am truly happy right now.  This usually signals the end of everything for us.  I refuse to cower in a corner and fear.  If everything I have right now gets taken from me tomorrow, I can still enjoy it right now, right?  I can always be thankful for the little details even when the big details are exploding into shrapnel across the sky.  Every little detail counts. 

Good night my friends.  I hope you are feeling happy to have whatever it is you have.  What you have right now, this minute, that's what counts.  Forgiveness counts.  Infinite love counts.  Too simplistic for you?  You have a right to your view.  But I would ask you where the  flaw may be found in forgiving?

Forgive yourself first.  Like an oxygene mask, if you can't forgive yourself first, then all the forgiveness you shower on others is meaningless.  You must start with yourself.  You are love.  You are the next evolution.  You count.  I count.

Let's count together!