Let The Fur Fly

First of all: what's up with all the designers in the world falling in love with fur pelts again? And if they feel they absolutely have to use fur, which I don't care for, why the hell are they designing such distinctly ugly things with them. It seems all the fur designs are being influenced by cave man attire in the form of raggedy vests with swaths of dull hide bisected by tufts of mangy fur. For quite a while fur has been mostly absent from big fashion and now it's having a resurgence. Have the designers just figured we'd all forget the objections to it that were raised in the late nineties? Well, I suppose many women have. Women with more money than style.

I don't think fur is glamorous or pretty or even particularly practical. Fake fur, though, I happen to adore! Although it isn't particularly practical either.

My hens are moulting. The first one to start is Flower-Bud who you see hiding from the camera in the picture above. Normally she comes right out with the rest of them to say hello. She so skillfully evaded me today that for a horrible moment there I thought I would find her dead under the hen house or else missing altogether with drippings to show that she had been snatched. Instead she was hiding because she didn't care for me to see her almost bare fanny. Poor birdie. They lose a lot of their feathers and grow new ones. Usually they stop laying when they do this. Now all the other girls are showing signs of moulting too.

You know how sometimes you know a thing needs to be done but you can't bring yourself to do it? And the longer you wait the harder it gets? What's the longest you've put off doing something distasteful that really needs doing? Days? Months? There is something I should have done ten years ago that I just realized yesterday has been a tremendous weight on my shoulders. Most of the time I insist of myself that I rip band-aids off. That I take care of necessary unpleasantness. However, I loath hurting others and this something I need to do will hurt someone else.

That's life though, isn't it? By the way, I'm not getting a divorce, in case you were worried. There's just a very old tie that has been waiting to be cut and I couldn't bring myself to do it. A tie that has no place in my life. A tie that has worried me, held me back, and stressed me out. The longer I waited the more impossible to do it. I think I kept waiting for life to intervene, to set this tie adrift from me naturally. But the tide kept washing it back to my shore.

Now I have to put this tie in a neat little package and send it off to the place where letters get lost. It is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do and ever since I realized it had to be done, now, I have had the worst heart palpitations. I almost went into a full panic yesterday.

I suppose it has come to me that there are all kinds of house cleaning chores I need to do. Life cleaning chores. I've done so much to heal myself over the years. I've come so far. Yet no matter how healed you are you still have to do a little spirit clean-ups once in a while which also include cleaning out the things in your life that are not working. That are preventing you from moving forward. I've come so far but certain voices can snap me right back to where I started from. Those are not good voices. Whether they come from inside my own head or out of someone else's.

I can't fit anything else on the surfaces in my house. I must clean out the garage including the space that is going to become my new pantry. I can't do anything particularly fast because of my back (which is already on the mend...yay!!). In some ways I actually think my back went out from the stress of this unresolved mess in my life. I had to slow down to a stop and deal with it. It's so easy to put things off when there are so many more fun things to do like make applesauce.

So I am sitting down today to prepare a package to send away from the shores of my life and that carries in it a whole lot of negativity not my own.

I have to admit that I fear retribution just a tiny bit.

This fear creates it's own tiny little stab of fear that I am having a prophetic moment.

Please let that not be true.