McMinnville Alien Parade

I am an old man disguised as a middle aged woman.  My curmudgeonly spirit prefers to stay away from "fun" like the plague.  If you already know me then you are well versed in the litany of things that are supposed to bring great joy to people but which give me shivers of horror: games, balloons, maribou, parades, clowns, and mimes. 

There was previously only one reason why I go to the Alien parade in McMinnville every year: because I want to keep the full force of my un-fun nature from Max as long as possible and he LOVES parades and festivals and carnivals.  Like most normal people do.


It is fascinating and mildly disturbing to see what people imagine aliens might wear on any given day.  It's a free-for-all of tin foil, silver lame, loads and loads of green (the single most popular color associated with aliens for absolutely no conceivable good reason), and antennae. 

Can you see a warm and friendly sight in this picture?  Yes, it's true, I love a clean hazmat suit, but that's not what I'm talking about.  You'll get it eventually.   

Air ducting is an obvious choice for alien gear.  It has a thousand uses beyond the mundane job of conducting hot air with lint out of your house from your dryer...I'm not sure what any of them are but how smart it looks wrapped up an arm...or on one's head.

Wouldn't it be funny if aliens, (presuming their existence), preferred to wear chic New York black and an occasional tweed?  

Blue is another favorite alien color.  Green and blue.  The color of death and bruises.  Unnatural pallor, because obviously the air in space isn't so good.

I don't know this couple , but I don't doubt that I need only ask two people I know who they are and I'll know in a jiffy.  I LOVE them.  Their dog is adorable and look at them smiling- they are irresistible, I almost ran out to them like a giant madwoman and hugged them both.  What held me back is the suspicion that if they were having this much fun walking the alien parade, it's a no brainer that they also love mimes.  

Watching a parade through the lens of a camera is much better and more interesting that being a passive spectator.  I wished I had the serious telephoto lenses and the guts to leap out in front of everyone, get all up in their faces like a real photo journalist and get better pictures.  There were several serious alien paparazzi chasing pictures around town and I wished to be sleek, professional, and nonchalant like a butterfly with a giant lens, just like them.

My first thought when I saw this lady was "Either she's really brave or she's from LA".

She's got both the green AND the antennae going on for her.  Like a tight wrapped green buggy prom queen.

I absolutely couldn't resist taking this officer's picture.  He didn't know the difference between a mo-ped and a scooter.  So he gave me written warning about two issues, one of which was completely wrong.  I wonder all the time if he hates me since I caused the local motorcycle safety expert to write to the police department about how scooters, such as mine, are not mopeds since you can't actually pedal it manually.  Every time I see him I shrink up just a little and hope he doesn't remember me.

Unfortunately, I am the only person in town who rides a cream colored Vespa.  It stands out. 

My guys coming to meet up with me.  I like them a lot.  I know you want to shove Max's pocket back into his sweats.  They aren't pulled out by accident.  It's his "style".

I will never be on the demo team of my Kung Fu school.  Not that I'd necessarily ever be invited.  Just having to wear skin-tight jumpsuits is enough to scare me for life.  And I do mean that even if I was a lithe supermodel, I'd still never be caught dead in leotards of any stripe.

If I had been one of the Alien Parade paparazzi (with a little soul patch and a coolio hat and a pair of checked pants perhaps?) I would have gotten a better shot of this super creepy thingy with giant dentures and tin foil antlers.  It was rather remarkable.  Like a nightmare I might have. 

I spy a green child who is feeling the fatigue of having to sit on a float on a hot day and be lively.  Someone needs a nap.

My own guy became "deathly" bored just moments after I took this picture of him.  He has great fun and then it's over in a flash and the dude has to change directions immediately or he'll explode all over the place.

We usually have a pretty sleepy town.  For some reason everyone loves and rejoices in aliens here which is at odds with the whole Jesus gig...I think...although I guess there's no reason to not believe in aliens just because you believe in Jesus, right?  I mean, it's not like aliens are dinosaurs or anything.