The Oregon State Fair
There were lots of rides. Lots and lots of rides. All hosted by "Funtastic". One gets the feeling that Funtastic ought to use a little more elbow grease cleaning all those rides. The feeling comes from touching them and experiencing a kind of sticky grime. Really, I'm not germphobic.
This poor wee goat complained a lot about the bath he was getting. Maybe he just didn't want an audience. His cries were piercing and heart-rending. We couldn't help but say "awwww" and laugh simultaneously. This little goat got so clean that a really gross person could have eaten off it's back and not got sick.
Lots and Lots and Lots of rides. The kids mostly loved the rides.Highlights from the Oregon State Fair in Salem (Lisa and I took the kids):
- Undoubtedly the kids will tell you that the best part was the rides, because it wouldn't be cool to admit that they really enjoyed the animals.
- People watching. Carnies in general, and some carnies in particular. One ride operator dazzled me with her aviator glasses, masculine helmet style haircut, an orange doo-hickey prominently poised on her tongue, and with her shirt being tucked into tight black spandex pants, I really found it difficult to look anywhere else. And wouldn't you know it, the boys had to take this ride, like, five times. My eyes were burning.
- The food selection was sensationally vibrant...there were two or three selections that weren't corn dogs and french fries, but all the booths looked exactly the same to me, a giant sea of beige food options liberally slathered in grease. (I actually had a halfway decent baked potato, but the butter they drenched it in tasted like coconut, that slightly nauseating fake butter flavor.)
- Watching cows get milked is riveting. I sound sarcastic, but I tell you, it's true. Once your eyes are fixed on a set of bursting udders getting attatched to little octopus suction cups sucking the milk into clear tubes that deposit it in a big clear plastic holding container, you will not be able to blink. The veins on the udders are pretty distressing to see if you are a woman and have ever had breasts too full of milk. I have brand new respect for the cows that give me milk.
- Lots of fun was had watching a huge work-horse getting groomed. I overheard a conversation between Rex and Max while they were staring (transfixed) at the horse's huge penis: Rex "Hey Max, do you see that big thing hanging down under him?" Max "Yeah." Rex "What do you suppose it is?" Max "I don't know" big silence as both of them continue to stare at the horse's penis until the horse began to pee (an operation that can last up to five minutes and cause a river to flood all nearby feet). Both the boys and Elena thought this was the best entertainment ever and refused to move on to the pigs until the horse was done.
- The pigs were impressive. The pink ones look naked. I had the urge to make them little (big) outfits. I prefered the black and pink ones and confess to developing brief fantasies in which I get myself a pet pig and then spend the rest of my life dedicated to feeding it and cleaning up after it. Pigs are big and even though these were farm pigs, I made eye contact with one pig named Susy who I swear had the wild light of a boar in her eyes and if I had been in her pen she might have mauled me. Lisa and I really enjoyed the pigs.
- There weren't a lot of chickens in the poultry shed, but strangely...the ones that were there were either little tiny English birds that looked so cute you could carry them around in your pocket like a chihuahua (only nicer), or they were giant Buff Orpingtons. Cora (the wonderful big hen that got us in trouble) was a Buff Orpington, but these guys were like Cora on steroids. I wonder if they check for steroids at these events? Cause these guys were the biggest chickens I have ever laid eyes on. I was a little worried about them. There wasn't a normal sized chicken in sight.
- The amount of trash for sale was astonishing. Booth after booth of the same damn crap that our kids wanted because kids always want what there is to want. (Perhaps this is a part of our gathering instincts?) I always feel exploited and also dirtied by the garbage they inspire Max to pine for. Giant blow up hammers. Who the hell thinks this stuff up?
- The noise at fairs like this is insidious. It crawls deep into your ear drums and doesn't leave for hours. If it was up to me, I would get rid of the whole creepy loud carnival aspect of the fair. Why aren't the animals enough? And why can't there be better food, It could still be fattening, but why can't it be better quality and taste better? Lord knows the icky stuff isn't cheap. I imagine that whoever owns Funtastic is a real character themselves.
- The kids had a great time, so even though I really dislike the whole carnival part, it was enjoyable to see the kids all so excited about the rides and the snowcones. There's nothing so cool, as a parent, than to see your kid(s) really explore the underbelly of life on earth,
then to snatch them away and bring them home where everybody starts each day with a clean pair of pants and wholesome food, and where they are relatively safe.