Some Good Things

(to prove that I'm not a totally negative individual)

Can you believe this sunflower?

That is the color of light when it's happy.

• The rain. I love the rain. It smells good outside, not hot and stinky. I was born in the season of rain. Often I think I will die in the heat. No, that's not quite right, often I think the heat will KILL me. I love rainy storms, the kind that blows your door wide open, the kind that erases all other noise. I also love this softer rain that just washes everything clean. The sound is how I would hope heaven would sound, if I believed in heaven. Rain is good.

• There's a job opening at Hotel Oregon for maids. I've never been one before. I can't say that the idea of cleaning up after people who are being messier than normal because it's not their home and they know a maid will clean things up doesn't actually sound like fun exactly, but from an an anthropological point of view, it could be fascinating. It also probably pays better than working in a coffee shop would. I will fill out an application today. Bring on those used condoms and dirty toilets!

• Coffee. I have coffee. Coffee is very soothing. When I was eighteen I used to drink about ten cups a day. Of the caffeinated kind. I would go to Zim's, smoke cigarettes, eat "country" potatoes, and put down cup after cup of coffee until my nerves were getting tangled up from all the involuntary shaking. Now I have three cups of mostly decaffeinated. I love hot coffee. It makes me happy.

• I have wonderful friends both in "real" life and online. The flowers from above are from Lisa B's garden. The light was terrible so I didn't take pictures of the other flowers she brought, her two oldest girls both brought me little bouquets from their own gardens. Plus they brought me a six pack of beer. I know how much of an honor it is to get a huge bunch of gorgeous sunflowers from some one's garden, it's not like she has an endless field of them. Oh how cheerful they are!! I want to grow this kind next year. I almost grew them this year but kept thinking that I really wanted only the classic kind, these ones are a little wild and strange with their myriad tiny petals crowded together in a big ball or orange. I am a changed woman. These flowers are powerfully lovely in a vase on my table. Every time I see them I see how lucky I am in my friends. You can visit her at her blog Morning Glory Essentials and while you're there, don't forget to visit her website where she sells handmade soaps and other aromatherapy items.
  

• Lisa E gave me such a good haircut and I cannot say how much that makes a difference when you feel like total crap already. Every day I was waking up with stupid hair and feeling like the biggest frump in Yamhill County. That's really saying something. Thank you Lisa!!!! Incidentally, you can see her gorgeous felted bags at her Lovli shop.

• Speaking of friends- I have two orders to get out in the next couple of days. One is to Amanda at Pandora's Button Box, who bought one of my Halloween wish boxes, and the other order is going to Karmyn at Dreaming What Ifs... (for which I must make the apron from scratch, so it won't go out for a couple of days yet. ) Ladies: you have perked me up with your support! Karmyn has already bought two Peace aprons so I'd have to say that she's one of my very best customers, right alongside Pam at Pam Kitty Morning.

After all that crying I did on Friday (literally: all day long), I am ready to face what's coming. We are going to try to hang onto our house this time. We had to sell our last house to get out of EXACTLY the same situation. The last house was a beautiful 1930's Tudor-style stucco house with the most gorgeous windows (the originals which we completely restored) and a garden that I loved very much! It was painful to sell the house I thought I was going to grow old in. This time I have a very architecturally boring house but I have a huge yard and I haven't had the chance to make this place really shine. If we keep selling our houses to get out from under then we will never have a house to grow old in. Last time we really had no choice, this time I think there's a possible solution in which we could keep this house.

I want to keep what I have. I want to pay back my debts. I want to start over without having to uproot my five chickens, my son, my dog, and my cat who is going to die in the near future. I really appreciate what I have. Perhaps that's one of the reasons everything is stinging particularly bad right now. It's not as though I am trying to have a mansion, tons of money, expensive clothes, or fame. I just want to make a living and keep the unfancy life I have.

I don't consider myself a particularly extravagant spender. I spent a shitload of money on things you have to have to run a store. Furniture, display cases, registers, fixtures, inventory, advertising, these weren't things for me. So I'm looking at what I spend now since it's beyond tight. Trying to figure out how I can be more frugal. I actually hate that word. It sounds so mean. Here are some of the things that I have recently spent money on and shouldn't have:

• expensive beer (the good stuff)
• more plants for the garden
• reference books (gardening, cooking, and crafting)
• that damn mandolin (this was an impulse buy that was not necessary)
• expensive coffee (the good stuff)

Does that look like a person living in the lap of luxury? Clearly I can't buy books right now. I've rectified that by reinstating my good relationship with our local library. I am happy to borrow reference books, even though I especially love having them permanently on hand. I will be trying out a less expensive coffee option found by Lisa B.

Beer, we ended up deciding to simply start by cutting our beer expense in half. We will gradually whittle it down to as little as possible.

No plants for the garden right now. I can plan, I can start seeds this winter for perennials and see how I do. I can ask for plants for presents. I can see how our situation is this winter and if much improved I may be able to buy a few carefully selected things. No kitchen gadgets. I feel very guilty about that impulse buy. Normally I think about these things for a long time first. I really didn't need it.

In some ways this is all good, what's happening. Even though I really don't think of myself as a crazy spender, to have to think in terms of much more bald frugality is not a bad thing. It's a challenge I just might get to where I can enjoy it.

The only thing bugging me right now is how I haven't been managing to go to the gym while I still have membership. I won't be able to sign up again in a month and a half and I would like to get my money's worth out of it. This week I will make better efforts.

Well, I'm off to watch cartoons with Max. Maybe have some breakfast. Take some more pictures for my Etsy shop. Cut out a cherry apron for Karmyn. And make a phone call for information about a possible way to help ourselves into a better debt situation.