You Are Beautiful
Quick- before I have time to think or edit:
You are so beautiful.
Just as you are.
Right now.
This minute.
- Why is it that 85% of all toilet paper and paper towels are printed or quilted with the images of butterflies?
- How is it possible for racism to exist when I see all across the board such mediocrity amongst every race and then I see this shining noble light ignite in the skin, the voices, and the spirits of people of all races? I see some black people who are so incredible, so potent, and so alive with all the power we imagine kings should have and I don't understand how any black person, by virtue of their gorgeous skin alone, should be reduced to the stature of "lesser being" by anyone else. How can this be? I am not color blind, I am color amazed.
- Nathan Fillion has the most amazing nose. I want to be his right hand warrior. I have nostrils too. I am fierce when you disregard the huffing I do climbing stairs.
- If I could be any woman besides myself for beauty alone, I think I would have to be Gina Torres. If I could choose a new standard for Miss America she would be Gina. Gina has an ass. She has the most regal, gorgeous face of any actress. When I watch her in Firefly I want to be her. She is an excellent actress. She has spirit, body, and talent. I'll bet she could kick ass playing the ukelelee.
- I don't mind fantasy in a show if the premise is that it is in the future, or in a world far far away. I cannot tolerate the premise that the reality as I know it is not as I think it is because I am a crazy person and it is already constantly in question what I know and how it compares to reality. I need the ground beneath my feet to stay still.
- My head is fuzzing, zinging, fritzing like a light bulb about to blow. It tells me that I have missed a couple of days of medication but I know this is not true. Feels like this head of mine is an electrical circuit and wires are stripped. But my head has always felt that way, it just has a physical sensation to go with it now. Like a sound effect.
- What is it with boys/men and making sound effects?
- My back rolls are seriously irritating me today.
- I do not wish I had Angeline Lily's body.
- When I hear Annie Lennox sing ballads like "Into The West" I feel like I have come to the last clearing in the universe where all the spirits come to rest. I feel like I could fight a war, or be a healer, or open the wound of Christ and taste what it is to love for spiritual satiety, or see into the velvet dark as though it was noon.
- I wish I could study with Leonard Cohen in any capacity. But mostly with words, and poetry, but not blow jobs. I know it isn't obliging of me, but I don't do blow jobs for anyone.
- I keep wondering: if I was to go down in history as a hero or heroine, which would I be? And how is it possible I have to question this at all? I am woman, but if I go down as anything but completely mad, it will be as hero. I have spoken. Because my spirit wears a double breasted suit and brogues. As much as I love dresses like a soft draping across my spirit in the lightest lawn, my true armour is wool suiting, with wing tips or brogues.
- Hobbit or Elf? I don't know.
- Your power isn't in your breasts. It's in your eyes. Don't let anyone obscure your light.
- It hits me that I am who I am no matter my size. The next time you meet someone very very large, look at them as though size had no bearing, see their spirit stand on its own, because it is no different than yours, though perhaps ever so slightly more vulnerable.
- Love. Love someone. Do it today. Do it without reservations. Do it with every fiber of your being. Protect that love as though it is the most precious thing in the world. It doesn't mean being a martyr. It doesn't mean being less than you are. Be everything you are when you love. It is the only way. Imperfections enhance love. Vibrant imperfections. Do not appologize for what you haven't got, give what you have with every pride. You are amazing.
- You are beautiful. I have seen with my own eyes.
- I miss my second sister Rhiana. The gorgeous, honest, generous, seeing, fierce, hard working, fragile, priestess, spiritual, funny, and open woman. I am adrift when you are quiet. My anchor. Every day I think of you.
- My first sister too! First sister has become so much more luminous than ever she was before. Something she is not aware of. She never sees her own power. I hear in your voice a change that brings fresh love to you. My pride of you is obscene. I am ashamed of being fat in front of you more than anyone else. You, more insightful than I gave you credit for. You, becoming a woman of substance. Beauty. You carry the best of both our parents like a nest of potential in your soul. Unwrapped, it sits there like a gift you are afraid of. You are everything each of our parents could have been. You are more than the combined potential of each of them.
- Why is macaroni and cheese still the best food on earth?
- I am collecting a community of expats. Not expats of the U.S. I am collecting a wonderful community of expats gathered in Oregon. I understand what it is to belong and what it is to not belong. We flock together in the end. Until we're old. We'll drink on the porch until we're bent with pain. Watching the sunset in this glorious landscape. Full of love for what we have embraced. Full of love for those who have helped up adjust.
You are so beautiful.
Just as you are.
Right now.
This minute.
Comments (12)
Lovely post. I have to be quick since I am at work. I have the soul of an elf but the outward trappings of a hobbit. Sigh.
Posted by Tonia | March 2, 2009 7:07 AM
Posted on March 2, 2009 07:07
I am not a boy/man, but I will confess to a ridiculously enthusiastic enjoyment of police-siren-noises. WHEEE-OOOOO, WHEEEE-OOO, WHEEEE-OOOOO! :) The louder, the better.
Posted by Violet | March 2, 2009 7:27 AM
Posted on March 2, 2009 07:27
Your words found a part of me untapped by most.
Posted by Kathy | March 2, 2009 7:31 AM
Posted on March 2, 2009 07:31
You are an amazing writer. You always give me something think about, a new way to look at it.
Posted by kim | March 2, 2009 8:18 AM
Posted on March 2, 2009 08:18
That's an incredible post. You are so brave.
Posted by Beth | March 2, 2009 12:29 PM
Posted on March 2, 2009 12:29
Oh Angelina ~ while I never know what I will find when i come to your page, I know that sometimes it will be like a lightning bolt from your heart right into my own. Not in a "romantic" sense of course, but in that way where there is no static on the line, in that way where what you have written just reverberates in my own reality. Thank you for writing.
Posted by alison | March 2, 2009 12:30 PM
Posted on March 2, 2009 12:30
Glad you're enjoying 'Firefly'. Wasn't sure you would (because it certainly has its moments of darkness) but was thinking of suggesting it as an alternative to 'Lost'. 'Firefly' is one of those shows that we can watch about once a year. I think it improves on second and third viewing. Also, because it is finite, it is more focused...it doesn't go on and on season after season.
Posted by mss @ Words Into Bytes | March 2, 2009 7:40 PM
Posted on March 2, 2009 19:40
Hello you all! This post is what happens when I get a bee in my bonnet or a hair up my butt late at night.
violet- but do you make car crashing noises every time you go through an intersection? This one really unsettles me when my husband does it. You must have tons of constant sound effects going through your house at all times with three boys and a husband!!
Alison- I'm so happy that I write things that make you feel connected- I need that connection too.
Tonia- in spite of your curly/wavy hair, you are definitely elf.
MSS- I thought you already knew I loved Firefly. I have the whole series and the movie on DVD and I actually watch it often. It definitely gets dark but I find that the overall tenor of the show is hopeful and there is a balance between the dark and light that I find comforting. Besides, the bad guys don't really ever get the upper hand for long. I love the wild west meets the future feeling of it, organic and yet futuristic.
Posted by angelina | March 2, 2009 9:09 PM
Posted on March 2, 2009 21:09
Sigh...that was so amazingly beautiful and exactly what I needed at this moment. Thank you.
P.S. I noticed there is another Kim that comments here frequently so I am henceforth going to call myself, Kimberly.
Posted by Kimberly | March 3, 2009 6:13 PM
Posted on March 3, 2009 18:13
I'm so glad this was what you needed to hear right now Kimberly- it was what I needed to hear when I wrote it. As to the Kim factor- totally funny that I have gone years without knowing any Kims but suddenly I am getting to know two or three and all the Kims are having to sort themselves out here. I used to know lots of Lisas, but maybe this is the age of Kims now. Such a pretty name whether shortened or long.
Posted by angelina | March 3, 2009 6:39 PM
Posted on March 3, 2009 18:39
I have a major girl crush on Gina Torres. And Nathan Fillion is awesome (have you seen Dr. Horrible?).
Posted by Mary | March 4, 2009 5:36 AM
Posted on March 4, 2009 05:36
(Catching up on posts from when I was out of town...)
"It hits me that I am who I am no matter my size. The next time you meet someone very very large, look at them as though size had no bearing, see their spirit stand on its own, because it is no different than yours, though perhaps ever so slightly more vulnerable."
Okay, wow. When discussing size/weight with people, they are usually 'shocked' and unbelieving that I weigh as much as I do. In discussing this, it has come out that I don't "act like a fat person," so people don't "think of me that way." I suppose this means that I am confident and fun without seeming like I try to be over-confident or annoyingly outrageous. I don't hesitate to make eye contact, and I am a mediator without being a doormat. I am confident in myself, even though I am extremely self-conscious and insecure about my body. I walk with purpose, and I LIVE in my world.
In other words, the things about me that make me who I am...none of them are "fat people" things. I'm not quite sure I can really comprehend this fully. Most of the time, I don't even try...but then, sometimes, I think about all of those other fat people...the ones who actually DO "seem" fat to other people...
No, I still don't quite get it.
Posted by Aimee | March 13, 2009 11:48 AM
Posted on March 13, 2009 11:48