Random Harvest

(and how it isn't distracting me from my other problems)

I guess it isn't a random harvest if you purposely pick up a trowel and dig in the dirt looking for something to pick. These are the little treasures I came back from the garden with. The potato plants are beginning to die off which means I could just dig them all up now (a very satisfying activity) or leave them in until I need them.

Chick has her longing eye fixed on the egg.

Pulchritude is a word that kept coming into my head last night and not sure of its meaning, I just looked it up. It means "physical beauty". I ask you, how could a word that means physical beauty sound so much like a simmering vat of rancid bog water? It really is funny how a word can sound so much the opposite of its meaning.

I have the problem of the furniture weighing quite heavily on my shoulders. My original intention was to try to make a little money to get us through this transition. The furniture is good solid and quite collectible. I mean, it isn't trash you can find anywhere. It's furniture with amazing details and we didn't get it for free. At this point though I am considering giving it away for free. Friends and family are gasping about everything I have been giving away, feeling bad that I'm not trying harder to get some cash. But what can I do? I don't have the magic touch, or any time left.

I used to think that the great thing about real jewelry is its resale value. You can always get some money for diamonds and gold. I am now thinking that I could own the most coveted piece of bling in the world and should I find myself in need of money I would not be capable of unloading it. Where are these places you can unload fine jewelry anyway? Pawn shops? Not likely! E-bay?

Will I at least reap some good karmic points for giving my valuable furniture away for free if it comes to that? Will money find its way to us through other avenues? Will our future be paved with work and paychecks?

Or should I rent another storage unit big enough to house all the furniture and take my time to try to get someone to buy it for closer to what it's worth? But I'll have to pay at least a hundred dollars a month to store it, and what if I'm right and no one will ever buy my things for even half of what they're worth because I am a walking money repellent? Then I'm out more money and still have to unload my furniture for super cheap or free.

My shoulders and neck hurt with the worry.

I have been scheming to use my dining room deco set in my studio. I could use the dining table to sew and draft on if I got a leaf made for it. I could then have pretty things in my studio. But they aren't as practical as plain shelves and that huge 5,000 pound composite table I was planning on using. But then I wouldn't have to sell them and I could continue to enjoy them. But where will I store them while I work on getting the studio room ready? The garage is awfully full with the rest of the crap from the store.

I don't usually have difficulty making decisions. Decisions usually come fairly easily to me. It's annoying that I cannot solve this problem nor settle on any kind of compromise that feels right. What are the best choices here? I feel damned every way I turn. What choices would all of you make?

My compass (the gut I'm always trusting) is askew. It has not weathered well the 365 days of stress and circuit over-loading that having the store created for me. I will end up being just fine. But having my compass be out of order is seriously inconvenient at a time when so many crucial decisions need to be made.

On the other hand, in the big scope of life, how crucial are any of these decisions? None of them are life or death. None of them are going to change the fabric of my life. I already did that by deciding to close the store. A decision that I know was the right one, and I made it not a moment too soon. Right now, if we were still trying to run the store, I would be checking myself into some kind of facility with padded walls (if any still exist). I came that close to wearing myself down beyond a simple fix.

So, having written this all out, I see that I'm no closer to knowing the answers or having any solutions.