See? I'm Still Right Here.

Before I say anything else, I would like to direct your attention to the following statement I made in my last post:

"If anyone wants me, I'm right here.  Come and get your fill of me any time you want.  I'm not going anywhere but I'm also not going to make it easy to waste me away."

See?  Right there I tell you I'm not going anywhere.  I may run and hide from FaceBook, or the weird glaring neighbor-man, but I can't stop writing on my blog here.  This is where I get the crazies out.  Usually.  Sometimes it leaks all over my life, but for those of you who thought I was going to stop posting here: I'm here!  I will keep posting and I love that you want me to, so convenient when what you want is what I want!

So I took one whole day off of FaceBook and I realized that I need it.  It may be noise in my head, but it's also gives me better connections to a few people I really enjoy and need to be in casual contact with.  So my new strategy is to simply choose to be shown only certain people's posts.  To reduce the noise level in my head.  You can, without unfriending a person, choose not to see their status reports.  This is a fairly new feature, I think.  (And no, I'm not blocking any of my local friends nor anyone who I truly consider a friend - on line or real life).  But there are a ton of people on there who I don't need to keep up with.

Yesterday afternoon I went out to check on my favas and it was plain that the plants were done, so I harvested them all (in the baking hot nasty sun!) and got 6.5 pounds of them.  I also picked a couple of pounds of peas, a bunch of fresh herbs, and new potatoes.  I just want to say that gardens never cease to repair my raw moods.  Especially gardens full of food and flowers.  I have daisies in bloom, foxgloves getting larger and ready to bloom, I have purple gayfeathers, roses, and very soon my black eyed susans are going to flower as well.  Digging potatoes is a favorite past time of mine and to be able to dig them out of the ground, go inside, wash them off, and throw them in the steamer for dinner, all within ten minutes of them having been a living plant?  It's rejeuvenating.  It feels exactly as it should feel.

No, this doesn't mean I'm fixed.  I'm still feeling most of what I felt the other day, really strong feelings like that don't make a hasty retreat.  However, between all of your kind notes saying "Hello! We care!" and my garden abundance, I am soothed.  I feel better.

Now I have to go shower.  It's almost five in the afternoon and I'm still in my pyjamas.  I worked until 12:30pm, then took a three hour nap.  I feel groggy and gross.  It's really hot again.  But I think we can afford to go to the pub tonight so I have to at least be clean.

Thank you so much for being a presence in my life.  I think Kelly (and a few others) expressed it well by pointing out that we really are all alone and some of us handle that better than others.  Still, continuing to make the effort to reach out to each other is what keeps us connected.  Sometimes we can't find the connections we hunger for right in front of us, and that's what's so brilliant about on line ways of reaching out.  You have to learn to filter out the excess noise (I'm still learning) and keep it whittled to a comfortable level, but I have made so many great (and real) friendships through blogging that have given me support through some of my toughest moments.

So, really, thank you.  Hearing from you makes a difference to me.