First Assignment at The Starlet Academy
Headshots are a marvelous way to boost one's ego. Selecting a very small portion of a person and glamming it up is a cinch if you have all the right know-how, which we obviously do here at the Starlet Academy where it is our daily business to transform corn fed all American girls into glamorous stars!
Using our expertise we can make even fat chicks look like movie stars. However, we discourage ladies from depending too heavily on the headshot to help their dreams come true because the day inevitably comes when everyone wants to see the whole picture and if that picture reminds anyone of a sausage busting out of its casing, well, the show is over. Over, my friend.
That's why we are going to demonstrate the truth using our famous "dress in the past" technique which may seem cruel to some but has been proven to inspire either complete dedication to change or to a life spent naked on the floor of a bad hotel boozing it up with your mother's worst nightmare. What life do you want? We thought so. Please observe this full body shot (above) of Angelina wearing an outfit that 70 pounds ago would have flattered her. Except for the ankle socks with the orthopedic shoes, sadly those will never compliment. This ensemble would most likely have been worn out and about with a fancy apron and a fitted black jacket.
So we asked Angelina to please squeaze into the jacket and apron she used to wear. It is entirely possible that you will see this outfit and wonder how anyone could ever have worn such a thing in public? We can only offer our assurance that this is exactly what Angelina used to do when she was a regular sized lady. Not only did she wear many outfits similar to this one- but she got away with it! Yes, she was generally known for her wacky but glamorous sense of style. But see here (above) how she tries desperately to fit into this jacket of hers? Is it not the saddest sartorial debacle you've ever seen?
We are frankly impressed that she managed to get these garments over her limbs. We ask kindly that you:a) don't ridicule her in this moment of full clarity and embarassment
b) don't be too distracted by the acrobatic dog in the photo
c) please do not throw your peanuts
This is the first step in a year long transformation in which she will continue to put this ensemble back on again and again and watch how it begins to appear more attractive on her as she reaches her goal of losing 80 pounds without selling her soul to the devil, letting anyone cut her up, or developing any fresh disorders.
The point of this exercise is to see how far she has come in the direction she doesn't want to keep going in. To see, in essence, how fat she really looks. These exercises can be therapeutic provided you do it under the auspices of a caring professional.
Feel free to drop in and see the progress from time to time.
Comments (16)
Okay. First, I just want you to know that I love the phrase "corn-fed." I use it in various contexts. For example, I call Matt Damon "Corn Fed" instead of using his name. Because, well, there's something so wholesome and middle-American about him. Especially his teeth.
Second, the sausage casing remark reminds me of the story of a German couple who visited a friend of mine. They were taking, it seems, a very caloric tour of the US. Struggling into her skirt one evening, the female half of the sketch turned to her fellow and said, "Oh, Karl, I feel like a vurst!"
Posted by Blaize | January 5, 2009 10:54 PM
Posted on January 5, 2009 22:54
Angelina, I love how you are able to put yourself out there. I wish I had that much confidence/moxy. As another corn-fed American, you are inspiring me to try to get my self together. Now, I wish I had as much style as you!
Posted by Tracey | January 6, 2009 6:05 AM
Posted on January 6, 2009 06:05
The clothes may be tight. I do understand why you want to lose weight so that you can be healthier. But, you are still a beautiful woman. In all of your tight glory.
Posted by MichelleB | January 6, 2009 6:51 AM
Posted on January 6, 2009 06:51
Angelina, you are too funny. At least you are able to look very glamorous with a head shot. I can't even pull that off! I am also trying to lose weight and it's not easy. However, I predict by year's end we both will be absolutely thrilled to be wearing our favorite skinnier clothing again.
Posted by Diane | January 6, 2009 8:03 AM
Posted on January 6, 2009 08:03
I don't mean to sound like a nag,your mother or your docotr but....
I sure hope you are not planning on losing 80 in one year!!!! And I don't see why you need to lose 80 whole pounds anyways!!!!
Maybe half of that, you can still fit into these clothes, so that is a good sign. I just don't want you to set yourself up for failure, when it is hard enough to lose 40 pounds in one year!!!! You are not an obese woman!!!! If we have small easily reachable goals, then we will be much happier with our outcomes...
OK I'll stop being a nay-sayer!!! I am from Maine anyways and you look quite skinny for our-kind....
Good-luck and I will be eager to see your future weight posts!!!! I too struggle a bit and am always interested in others strugglings as well.... Keep-on keeping on and have a WONDRFUL 2009!!! May We All Lose Some Weight!!!!
Posted by Islandgirl | January 6, 2009 9:14 AM
Posted on January 6, 2009 09:14
Angelina - You made me smile this morning and I just wanted to say thank you...I am trying to lose 75 lbs this year. I decided to cut out sugar and bread (my favorite things)and have lost 6 lbs in 6 days. I certainly wish you luck and look forward to reading about your progress.
Posted by Sarah | January 6, 2009 10:42 AM
Posted on January 6, 2009 10:42
Just wanted to compliment you on the past two posts! Both are awesome & inspiring in their own ways. I applaude you honsety in both situations!!
I do have to say one thing! I am totally envious that you can get into your old clothes - if I tried that, it would be a "not safe for work" photo with my boobs & belly hanging out!
Posted by Michelle | January 6, 2009 11:30 AM
Posted on January 6, 2009 11:30
You are B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L. And you are one brave woman - and I love your confidence in yourself - because I just can't bring myself to put myself out there. 80 lbs overweight - not going to do it.
Posted by Karmyn R | January 6, 2009 12:00 PM
Posted on January 6, 2009 12:00
You can do this! Yes you can! I wish you the best of luck, since this is what you want. However, I don't see the need for improvement.
PS--I find it hilarious that your cat stared directly at the camera for two pictures. That is too funny.
Posted by Jocelyn S | January 6, 2009 12:50 PM
Posted on January 6, 2009 12:50
Uh oh, I just realized that this outfit is one I was wearing when I was only forty pounds less. Shit. I need to find one that I wore when I weighed my target weight- which (by the way, for anyone who wishes to know) was chubby. I weighed 165 and wore between a size 14 and 16. So hardly skinny even then but I will be thrilled to be that size again. Don't need to be thinner.
As to the brave- I don't know. I don't love these pictures but it's fun to make fun of oneself and be silly. Plus, it really is a good reality check. To me, I look like an uncomfortably overweight person. I don't like it and seeing it makes me more anxious to change myself back. Plus it's just so hard on my body to carry so much around.
Thank you all for the compliments!
Pippa cracks me up all the time!!!
Posted by angelina | January 6, 2009 2:19 PM
Posted on January 6, 2009 14:19
I think this is great! I have a series of vintage dresses I love (but can't fit into) hanging down the wall in my hallway. Don't worry, they're very pretty and decorative! However, my goal is to lose weight and work my way down the line - each one is progressively smaller. I try on the first one each week to see how much closer I am and it is actually very encouraging. I'm not a "weigher" - I get competitive and that can be bad. This works much better for me too!
Posted by Stacy | January 6, 2009 3:59 PM
Posted on January 6, 2009 15:59
Great idea! I can't wait to see your progress.
Posted by futuregirl | January 6, 2009 4:33 PM
Posted on January 6, 2009 16:33
Awesome idea,I love your pictures(and I love your sense of style)your incredibly photogenic!
I too am trying to be a healthier me.
I swear it is always so easy for me to get going,but dang at the speed bumps,just when I think its clear sailin' more "stuff" pops up,but I persevere and know that watching your posts will actually help me stay on target a little better too.
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Posted on January 7, 2009 18:37
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