Headbands Are A "Gateway" Style

I love fashion.  I have always had two great loves in my life which have ruled my entire spinning universe:  the things people say (words) and the things people wear (style).  This passion translated into a lifelong quest to write well (shut up, I'm still on the quest) and to be able to take an idea for a style from my imagination and to draft, drape, and stitch it, and all the details that make the construction of clothes an act of magic.  I will never be a fashion designer as I had always dreamed of doing when I was much younger. 

I can no longer address my fashion choices to my own body, as it has become cantankerous about fitting into anything remotely stylish.  My magazine subscriptions, which are a luxury I have long allowed myself, are all running out now.  I have renewed none of them.  Saving paper is great.  I have to admit though that this indulgence has been one of the happiest of my life and I'm kind of sad to lose them.

However, I am full of this seasons findings and I would like to share with you the things I've found that I really loathe.  I feel very strongly about my opinions which I'm sure will come as a shock to no one.  I spend a lot of time not making a whole lot of myself but I am confident in two things: my ability to write well, and my sense of style.  The great thing about style is that we don't need to agree about it.  You can disagree with me loudly if you like and I won't get defensive but I also probably won't back pedal on any points I bring up today.

The first being: The Ass-Backwards Return Of The "Hippie" Style Headband.

Nicole Richie did it and looked awful.  Now (possibly not coincidentally?) they are appearing on the runways.  I'm not sure I'm capable of articulating just what it is about this style that I think makes all women who attempt it look ridiculous.  I guess I'm going to have to become a better writer first.  I think it is supposed to imply that the woman wearing the headband is truly wild and "anti-establishment", but for that to be true they would need to wean themselves of their blond highlights, their Manolo's, and their quilted Chanel bags. 


I am continually amazed at how the "big" designers cannot resist chains.  What does it say about the designer's inner architecture and the rich women who continue to think they are very chic with their chain touches all over their clothes and purses.  Good God!  There's only so long you can wear chains without seeming like a cheap ho.  Yes, I just said that.  Cavalli is a troll and I have always hated his vision of how women should adorn themselves.  Always as naked as possible, with some touches of chains.  All of his styles imply that the women wearing them are going to let everything drop at any moment. 

Gucci is a favorite design label of mine to hate.  I hated this label when Tom Ford was at the helm and it has not gotten any better.  Apparently this model either covets the "belt" thingy, or he covets the anatomy just beneath it.  I'm betting he has his eye on the belt.  I'd like to never be caught dead in either of their ensembles.    The unfortunate thing is that lots of women will attempt to wear this dress/tunic exactly as they see it here.  Gross.

It is a sign of my middle age that we are now seeing the fashions of my early teens being recycled on the runway.  It makes me really tired to see this.  Like going backwards until my ass is right back in Junior High where I made a cotton version of this style and looked just as bad in it as these gals do.  I smell Robert Palmer somewhere close by.

No way!  More headbands...it's like the crack epidemic.  You hear how bad it is, what crimes it leads to (like t-shirts airbrushed with clouds and butterflies) but you just don't really get it until you are already wearing one and suddenly nothing will satisfy your lust for sitting in trees with daisy chains for a bikini and letting your pit hair grow long enough to braid.  I can't help you, man.  You're on your own here.